Why Me?


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I have a friend who may lose her voice box to cancer this week. I know it has been hard for her to think about little else. Too many of us understand the stark terror a diagnosis of cancer can bring along with the inevitable questions like “who will I be without a voice box, without a breast?” The answers are not found in the initial stages of shock but in the contemplative times after the “why me?” and even “why not me?”

In those first terrifying days, maybe weeks, when you lay alone in the dark and wonder if you will be here this time next year, at some point you must rise up, take your mat and walk. Your body is not the same one you have counted on your whole life, but if you choose to move forward a new self will emerge. Like a butterfly freed from a crusted and discarded cocoon, your new self will realize it does not matter if you are missing a breast, or your voice. While you are no longer the same person externally, more importantly, you are not the same person internally.  Your heart and soul are hopefully on their way to becoming more pleasing in the eyes of God.

Should this terrible thing happen, I know my friend will find a way to accept it, and her voice will be heard in other ways. I believe God is molding her, softening some of her edges and strengthening others until she transcends her outer shell and becomes an even more extraordinary woman. She will find other ways to let her special qualities shine through, and she will give thanks for the strength and the courage and the grace God has given her.